Friday, October 10, 2014


Dracula Told

I'm not going to see the stupidly titled Dracula Untold. Vlad Tepes, the 15th Century Prince of Christian Wallachia is very interesting in real history. He fought against invading Muslims. He impaled* his enemies. There is absolutely no reason to tack on this vampire bullshit to a movie about him.

Here's my favorite story about him. A big Muslim army crossed the Danube and was marching towards his country to conquer it when they came upon a big field in which 10,000 people were impaled. They turned around and went home.

*The classical impaling has a 5 foot tapered spike driven, large end first, into the ground. Then the thin end is shortened and sharpened (sometimes) so that its top is just under the height of the victim's heart. Then the victim is paraded around the spike naked and then stout men grab him by his pinioned arms and underneath his untied thighs and lift him up above the spike, put the sharp end up the victim's anus, and drop him down.

Now a smart, strong willed person would let his legs go limp and his weight would immediately cause the spike to skewer his heart (and perhaps keep traveling up his body to come out the top of the head) and kill him with very little additional pain or suffering. However, so strong is the will to live in most people that they stay on their feet and even go tiptoe for a while as their blood flows down the spike. The contemporary accounts call this the dance of the impaled. Finally, weakened by blood loss, the person sags, pierces his heart and then collapses completely with the spike exiting the mouth, shoulder, neck or head. The whole thing can take a long time.

What in the Hollywood treatment of this man could be more horrifying than the truth about him?


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