Saturday, May 23, 2020
Funny Because It's True
A very useful guide to applications of common tools – you may want to review frequently:
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shit!'
DROP SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench". Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted knuckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity.
SON OF A BITCH TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'SON OF A BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need. H/T Cousin
h/t Ace of Spades HQ
Sunday, May 17, 2020
Rule 48 and General Flynn
Labels: General Flynn legal musings
Tuesday, March 31, 2020
Thought of the Day
The warning here is one about bureaucracy, government, and human nature. This crisis, like all crises before it, whether real or phony, always engenders "temporary" measures. For those not up on their history, the crisis of First World War brought about the imposition of the federal income tax that was intended only to last for the duration. The armistice went into effect on 11/11/18. That's 1918, not 2018, which means that that temporary measure is now a little over 101 years old. It should be noted that every red cent of revenue generated since our war debt was paid off has gone to fuel an ever-growing, ever-intrusive, ever-incompetent bureaucracy that is wielded of, by and for the Left to destroy our individual freedoms and make us little more than slaves or serfs. Because that is the nature of bureaucracy; not to solve or end a problem (doing so would obviate their continued existence), but to expand and gain ever more power. And sadly, that is also the nature of human nature, which is the very reason why the Founders rebelled against the crown in 1776 and what defines "exceptional" in American exceptionalism. That is, America as founded was supposed to be the exception to the darker side of human nature and the tyranny and oppression that came before it.
J. J. Sefton at Ace of Spades HQ
Labels: Thought of the Day: J.J. Sefton
Friday, March 27, 2020
Take the Test
So, skiff or dinghy?
Asking the important questions, always.
Labels: 2016 Performance Art
Monday, March 23, 2020
Thought of the Day
Our elite is full of self-important morons who contribute nothing but more dumb in a time when the only thing we have a surplus of is dumb. The real hero is the guy who trucks in a load of whole wheat bread, ribeyes, and low-priced cabernet to the Trader Joe’s, not the Prius-piloting sissy with a Maddow fetish who shops there. The people our elite laughed at, scoffed at, poked at, are the very people who are going to rescue us from the mess that same elite helped make.
Tuesday, February 11, 2020
State of the Union
Race Bannon (or Doc Savage with receding widows peak), President Trump, and Darth Sidious at the 2020 State of the Union. Jedi mind trick to make us think it was Speaker Pelosi, obviously.
Labels: State of the Union Address 2020
Monday, February 10, 2020
Oscar Prediction Results 2020
Here is how I did (not great):
The big nine:
Best Picture-- 1917 WRONG it was Parasite (it is rare a foreign movie wins both)
Best Leading Man-- Joaquin Phoenix
Best Leading Lady-- Renee Zellweger
Best Supporting Actor-- Brad Pitt
Best Supporting Actress-- Laura Dern
Best Foreign Film-- Parasite
Best Director-- Sam Mendes WRONG it was director of Parasite Bong Joon-ho
Best Screenplay, Original-- Parasite
Best Screenplay, Adapted-- JoJo Rabbit (but it could be Little Women)
Some not very difficult calls:
Cinematography-- 1917 (see above)
Animated Feature-- Toy Story 4
Art Direction-- 1917 WRONG, it was Tarantino's Once Upon A Time... in Hollywood
Original Song-- (I'm Gonna) Love Me Again (but who actually gives a fuck?)
Film Editing-- Ford v. Ferrari
Sound Editing-- 1917 (always go with the loudest movie in this category) WRONG, I guess Ford v. Ferrari, the winner, was pretty loud too.
Sound Mixing-- 1917 (because sound editing is completely different from sound mixing and 1917 has them both down cold)
Visual Effects-- 1917 (OK, this is getting monotonous)
Here are the not easy at all rest:
Makeup-- Joker WRONG it was the nearly unwatchable Bombshell
Costume Design-- Little Women (but it could be Tarantino's best in a long time)
Documentary-- American Factory (but it could be Honeyland because that lost in Foreign Film category)
Here are the next to impossible to call:
Animated Short-- Hair Love (but it could be any of them)
Live Short-- The Neighbor's Window (but it could be any of them)
Documentary Short-- Learning to Skateboard one (but it could be any of them)
So, I only missed five, but two of them were in the big nine, Best Picture and Best Director. I like South Korean movies (except for the rampant incest) and I am happy this one won in many major categories. I guess I should go see it now.
I'm glad Pitt won. His was the only movie I liked last year.
Labels: Oscar Prediction Results 2020