Friday, July 22, 2005


Friday Movie Review (not)

I apologize for not seeing any movies in the past week, but, apparently, I am not the only one. Instead of a review of one movie I've actually seen, here is some snarky language about movies I have not seen.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory- remake of a movie I hated with Johnny Depp as creepy androgen. Yea, this sounds like a winner.

The Bad News Bears--remake of a minor somewhat funny movie. Walther Matthau was great as the crusty coach. Billy Bob Thornton will bring out his charming hillbilly in the suburbs schtick that made Bad Santa the wonderful success it was.

Herbie: Fully Loaded--remake of a horrible, unfunny series about a Volkswagen car with magical powers. If Lindsay Lohan got naked and made love to Herbie, I still wouldn't see this movie.

The Island--remake of Coma with cloning overlay. The hard part about making clones scary (or even different) is to lie about their essential nature. What is the result of human cloning?--a baby. Tough to make that scary. I'll probably see this though.

The Devil's Rejects--Rob Zombie brings the same subtle touch to directing movies that made his rock and roll career the towering success it was. Wouldn't the Devil reject good quiet church going types? Just asking.

Movies here in Denver that might not actually suck: Hustle & Flow, Beautiful Country, Me and You and Everyone We Know, Yes and just possibly The Wedding Crashers.

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